Ferrari 599XX

So I feel like I should explain what this thing actually is. So, back in 05, when Ferrari came out with the Enzo, they also made a special version of the already very special supercar called the FXX. Now, only the customers who were preselected to purchase the Enzo were offered the FXX, and even then it was few of them. There are only 30 FXX in existence, with one belonging to Ferrari as a museum piece, and the final car, #30, the only all black FXX belonging to Michael Schumacher. The FXX was not a car you could buy and drive to parties to impress people, oh no. It had a ridiculously low ride height and slick tires, which meant that it was in no way, shape, or form road legal. The interior had none of the posh supercar pizazz – it was all scaffolding and rollcage, with race seats, wires everywhere, aircraft grade switches, and probably a fire extinguishing system or two. In fact you didn’t even own the car really. Ferrari kept in stored in their garages at special test tracks, and let you drive it a few days a year as part of the development program. That’s right, for about 2 million USD, you got a car, some fancy red overalls, and a crew of race engineers to tell you a bunch of things you couldn’t possibly understand. The whole point of the FXX was as a middle ground between Ferrari’s F1 cars and their latest supercars – in essence, a prototype testbed. Now, the FXX program is over, and the replacement is this thing, the 599XX. Now, my opinion on the normal 599 has always been fairly neutral, and indeed so has my opinion of Ferraris in general. In fact, the last one I really liked was the 430 Scuderia. I like the 599XX probably for similar reasons – this is what Ferrari is good at: not fancy cars for people to show off in, but monsters designed to live on a racetrack and pound out quick lap times. Just look at this thing it’s all business. See those arch pillars behind the windows? On the normal 599, those are there as a very clever way to produce downforce so a spoiler is not necessary on the tail. They’ve installed some miniature wings (or possibly constructed additional pylons) on those. See that lower vent behind the front wheel? It’s not a vent, notice it’s not connected at the top, these are actually fins/wings/something. There are similar wings behind the rear wheels. Just imagine the effort that went into figuring that out, haha. What nerds. But it’s cool, to be sure. And just look at the brakes! At first I got fanciful and thought they were made of dark matter or something, but it’s just carbon. But come on, you can’t exactly boast that your car has that. And this thing therefore, is seriously cool.

Rating: I just went on too long of a spiel.

Lamborghini Murcielago LP670-4 SV

Fresh off that much too long passage…is this! A car..with….a really freaking long and complicated name. Dammit. Anyway, this one will be short and to the point. I can’t understand why Lambo names have gotten so convoluted lately, but I am not complaining, because the stuff they are putting out lately is great. Well, except for the Estoque, which I didn’t really like. But I think this definitely makes up for it. You thought the Murcielago LP640 (Bruce Wayne’s car in Dark Knight) was crazy? They just made it crazier. Unlike Ferrari, Lamborghini seems to be all about shoutyness and fire above technology and finesse. Which is not to say this is crude, by any means. That engine bay…Well you could probably hide from Imperial stormtroopers in there, but I’m not sure you’d want to share a room with a big V12…Isn’t this thing crazy though? It’s got a huge scaffolding-like rear diffuser, and some kind of honeycomb carbon something engine cover over it’s big beating 670 hp heart.

Rating: It’s some kind of platypus-reventon-bee-vampire-scaffolding frankenstein of parts, but man it’s awesome.

Spyker C8 Aileron

It’s no secret that I love Spyker. And they’re not even Swedish! But the truth is, these guys make even the Swedish look sane. I mean, they used to design planes! And now, their top trim model is the Dutch royal family’s frigging golden carriage! That’s right, like a horse drawn Victorian era carriage! The first time I saw the Aileron sometime last year, I could not quite understand what was supposed to be great about it other than it being a flatter, longer C8. But this one at Geneva…there’s something distinctly different about it. Though it’s still got Spyker’s goofy fish grille, the illogical hood, the turbine fan wheels, and those strange vents that resemble either jet engines or headphone jacks, I do love what they’ve done with it. I think part of that too is in the eyes, which seem much sharper and focused, which is a nice departure from the C8′s normal goofy google eyed fish face. Also, one of the best parts about Spykers, that glass twin-bubble roof remains! I can’t understand why or how Austin Powers’ father could hate the Dutch. Other than the fact that Goldmember is one.

Rating: Imagine getting your arm chopped off by one of those wheels – what a way to go!

Aston Martin DBS Volante & V12 Vantage

You know, for the first time in just about forever I’ve found an Aston Martin I do not like. Yes, the Lagonda concept from this Geneva show. What the hell…an SUV? Really AM? Come on here, that…that just doesn’t work. I mean, even the Rapide was wonderfully executed despite being a 4-door saloon, why would you do something like this? Luckily, in order not to overly offend people, Aston Martin have brought along 3 very special show pieces. First in the red, we have the DBS Volante. That’s Bond’s car from Casino Royale and Quantum of Solace, just with the top chopped off. Ha, imagine him doing the 6 rolls in that…And in the dark grey is the V12 Vantage, which is basically the V8 Vantage, but they’ve somehow managed to fit an engine with another 4 cylinders in there. Egad, it must produce frightening power! Good work as always, boys!

Rating: No Mr Bond, I expect you to drop the top!

Aston Martin One-77

I mentioned this little number, the last of Aston Martin’s new toys (I refuse to blog about the Lagonda) in my post about Paris. Back then, it was little more than a mock up made of whatever stuff they make concept car mock ups out of. I mentioned back then that it looked like it wanted very much to punch you in the middle of the face. That’s true it retains the aggressiveness, the muscle, but now those side vents have given it a kind of strange evil grin. Like it’s going to fight you, and then eat you or something. I’m still in love with this, the most expensive, most unobtainable, and most special of Aston Martin’s latest creations. Handcrafted body? V12 engine? Looks that could probably get you in bed with half of Europe? I think that Aston Martin has truly created something grandiose, and a halo car for a company as prestigious as this is quite an accomplishment.

Rating: Swiss neutrality may be in jeopardy here. Swiss sovereignty too, but this car will just eat them and insult their families.

Press start to play!

Idea ERA Roadster

Neato. Well, I have no idea beyond that this thing has no roof and almost no glass what it’s supposed to do. But you know, I actually like it a lot. Without being insane, it’s definitely very striking. The front fascia looks a bit like a Mitsuoka Orochi…but less deformed and fishlike.

Rating: I’d probably would’ve stared like a fool

Infiniti Essence Concept

So, this gets two pictures! I actually like it a lot, in fact. It’s supposed to echo the new Infiniti styling, and it’s very appropriate, no? Especially from the side profile, you definitely get the feeling of the Nissan heritage, despite Infiniti cars having a different design language than Nissan’s standard sports cars. Let me explain: I once read an interview with the designer of the GT-R and G Coupe. He mentioned that the GT-R had muscular, masculine lines that bulged outward, while the Infiniti had more inwards curving tighter feminine lines. I do believe that that is an excellent piece of design, and thereafter I appreciate the design of the new Infinitis much more (though I’ve still yet to see a GT-R on the road, haha). You know, from the side, you can tell it’s a Nissan because of the Z-like tail light profile and the roofline bearing a trace of the muscular top of the GT-R, but especially with that brake cooling vent behind the front wheels and the short deck/long hood proportions, it’s got a bit of Aston Martin flair to it. And that, is never ever bad.

Rating: A is for makes teenage boys salivate. Oh wait, they’re too dense to understand the intricacies of car design, screw them.

Frazer-Nash Namir by Giugiaro

Huh? What’s up with this name? It’s like a Canadian-Lebanese-country music sitcom. Anyway, I had to give this car another picture to explain what I’m talking about, because now we’re getting into the realm of crazy. What in the hell is going on with this car, exactly? The rear window…it’s more incomprehensible than the Spyker C12′s metaphysical rear lights…how can it possibly work? Well, It’s not supposed to, this being a concept and all. But man, I have to say Giugiaro really knows how to pen a mean conceptmobile! At first glance it looks like a block of cheese, but if you had seen the back first and worked your way to the front, once you arrived there I’m fairly sure that you’d come to the same conclusion that I did: OH GOD ITS A BARRACUDA. And subsequently, hear the opening riff from Heart’s hit “Barracuda” in your head. It’s so fierce! It could even be an extremely sunburnt crocodile!

Rating: OOooooooh, barracuda!

Zagato Perana Z-One

You know, Zagato is kind of hit-miss for me. On one hand, you have cars like the Spyker C12 which are utterly insane and great fun, a real treat for the eyes. Then you get things like the Zagato-fied Bentleys, which are just the host car with more than a liberal touch of Zagato’s favored curvy styling, which sometimes doesn’t work as well as it probably should. This car however, I think works very well. I think it’s made from a Corvette (at least it’s got the engine from one), and I think I would very much like to see this sitting beside the Corvette Stingray concept I saw at the Chicago Auto Show…for one, it’d be an awesome contrast between two very similarly proportioned cars and differing design languages – curves versus sharp angles and hard lines, and two completely different mindsets. Very much a GT-R and G Coupe duality going on there haha. Anyway, what is there to say beyond the fact that this is not just handsome, it’s got more than a touch of beautiful in it. The upwards sweep of the window is evocative of the already undeniably attractive Alfa Romeo 8C, and although I’m fairly sure it was not Zagato’s attention, the front end has a hint of AC Cobra floating about…

Rating: No witty comment here, just appreciation.

Anyway, let’s get right to it! First up, the less extreme stuff.

Magna Steyr Mila EV

So this being a down year, you’d expect more of these small cars. This one is just that, and to boot it’s an electric.

Of course, it’s just a concept, and jalopnik seems to think that it’s boring, but I quite like it. I mean, though I would not complain if every concept was long sleek impossible supercars, I do enjoy the occasional what if? real life car concept. I like the spaceship-esque lines that look like this is from a very tan version of I, Robot, and the way that all the lines do that curvy-then-straight thing. All in all, this isn’t really an epic exercise in design, but it’s nice and fun to look at.

Rating: Roadshow warm-up

VW Polo

According to European numbers, the 2010 Prius gets around 72 mpg. By American standards, the 2010 Prius does 50 mpg. Euro maths say that this VW with a diesel will do 80. Jeez, this is insane.

I’ve been told I have a really extreme taste in vehicles. Well, I guess you wouldn’t know from the presence of the humble Polo in this blog post (though the fact that I find Volvos more exciting than Audis…there’s a twist haha). And more importantly, this isn’t even a concept car! This is a full blown, soon to be in showrooms car! Much to Sam’s chagrin, I actually sort of like VWs. The Passat is a very handsome car, and this new front fascia style based off the Scirocco is doing wonders for VW looks. Of course, the Scirocco itself isn’t half bad either :]. Anyway, the Polo I think is supposed to be like below the Golf (a car we in America now know as the Rabbit…) in the product range, but you know, it doesn’t really look any less good. This car is to Geneva 09 what the new Renault Megane was to Paris 08.

Rating: Was is das auto?

Koenigsegg Quant

And right about now, anyone with knowledge of the subject will be wondering, why the hell have I put a Koenigsegg of all things in the less extreme car section? Actually the jury in my head’s still out on this one. So, this is supposedly a 4-seat saloon by the same Swedes that made the only car dangerous enough to almost destroy the Stig, and that actually becomes more powerful when fueled by ethanol. So what were they thinking? Well, apparently this is some kind of…actually I have no idea, one minute while I look it up. Okay…it’s a solar electric car. Tough times in the economy, no? Jesus F. Kennedy, only Swedes would ever come up with something this insane. At first, I saw the picture of the interior and noticed that in place of the standard gear lever for the Koenigsegg sequential gearbox, there was a hole. I loved that, because Swedish insanity has made them see fit to remove your means of changing gears. Then I realized it was a cupholder, and this thing had paddles behind the wheel. Oh. Right, anyway…The roof…why’s it so high? I understand they are going for a 4 seater here, but the sleek UFO roofline of the CCX series was awesome, and it works somewhat less well on the Quant. I mean, you can see it on the CCX on the right of the picture here, clearly Koenigsegg knows how to be insane.

Rating: Swedish insanity will always prevail.

Mazdaspeed3

Is it wrong that I want this? Of course not, because the Mazdaspeed3 by default is an awesome thing. I mean, who doesn’t love hot hatches (okay, maybe we in America need a few more before we understand quite what is so great about them)? I initially liked the new Mazda3. The lines were very Nagare, and overall it was an attractive little small car. Then I realized I was actually terrified of the new Mazda3′s maniacal grin. The Mazdaspeed version really doesn’t help matters, now it’s grown a hood scoop and is much much more impishly looking for mischief. It’s like a gremlin, and it’s probably going to dismantle your leg when you aren’t paying attention. With that then, yes I would very much like one. Also, one thing I liked was that in the interior, the seats have a red material covered by a black mesh so there is red showing through the black of the seats – not huge, but I think it’s very cool.

Rating: We make zoom-zoom in our pants

Renault Megane RS

I mentioned in my post about last year’s Paris Auto Show that I quite liked the new Renault Megane. I still do. In fact, I think it’d be great if we could get them here, despite how impossible that is. Anyway, Renault’s newest sporty product is this – the Megane RS, which is a much more yellow version of the normal Megane. Seriously. Anyway, I like that it takes many design cues from this monster, though obviously it is not allowed to be quite that mad. Anyway, like the Megane of yesteryear, I like the sleek profile of this despite it being a hatchback, and those funky wheels and the shouty paintjob don’t hurt either. It’s even got the French moustache!  However, Renault’s marketing of sporty cars revolves around tying them in with their F1 program, and well, let’s just say this year’s Renault R29 isn’t really the most attractive thing ever…

Rating: Not quite a wedge of cheese. At least, it hasn’t surrendered to me yet

More stuff in part two, where we get to the crazy shat!

Time Police!

Time Police!

Time Police!

Tiempo Policia!

*slurp*

Hey, who exactly are J.D. Power’s associates, anyway? Are they some kind of collective customer satisfaction ratings mafia?

Hi, I’m J.D. Power and these are my associates.

This is my friend, Arthur Andersen.

Nice to meet you. This is my bear, Stearns.

Oh god! *mauled*

The chicken mafia is after me.

That’s what she said.

passiveaggressivenotes.com is pretty sweet. Rocket pubes made me lol.

Right now my fingers smell like gyro. DAS GUT.

I think I went slightly insane during my walk back from interviewing people tonight…Some of the thoughts that popped into my head below.

-Pizza by Carmello Anthony. Is it a perfume or a restaurant?

-HI YOU’RE BILLY MAYES!

-I think dress shoes were invented by the larger business hivemind as yet another way to weed out weak businessmen.  Seriously, these things fucking kill my ankles. Why don’t you just install saw blades into the sides so you can finish the job, Jack Welch? You’ve already squeezed out my mind grapes.

I saw this when I went to the front page. I don’t know why, but this woman next to the picture of a recipe for allegedly “Chinese” pancakes makes me think she’s a twat. Closet or not. I didn’t bother to read it, so I may be totally wrong, and she’s an upstanding human being. But on the whole, I get kind of annoyed when white people parade around culture like gorillas parade around their genitals.

I never liked parades.

This is possibly the weirdest instance of product placement I’ve ever seen…Toyota..and Power Rangers? Well I don’t know about you, but when I think of Toyota I don’t really associate them with spandex-clad robot driving superheroes. Clearly, the Power Rangers of our childhood have long since become nothing but a distant memory.

I should do a tribute post to Power Rangers. But seriously, I think if they were to do a car themed Power Rangers series…these dudes might be good candidates.

So, they’re not exactly “teenagers with attitude”…but they do have the attitude part down pretty well. I don’t know about you guys, but I think Jeremy Clarkson or James May would at least make a good Zordon, right?

“POWERRRRRRR”

“Oh, cock.”

Posting like I said i would, reasons why Nicky Hayden is also cool.

-American, but unlike John Hopkins, he’s not total crap

-He won the championship, on a Honda, against Valentino Rossi. That’s serious skill right there.

-He has a ridiculous southern accent

-His race number is 69. xD

-As evidenced by this, he clearly has no taste, with those crazy mp3 Oakleys. Fortunately for him he’s from Kentucky, so it’s okay.

-His move to Ducati is rightly justified. Honda were jerks to favor Pedrosa over him.

-Check out that cool goatee!

Exhibit the 1st

Ford Iosis

This might not look very special at first. In fact, one of my first reactions to it was to call it “a really surprised Toyota”. Back when it romped onto the scene, it premiered Ford’s new (international only, grumble grumble) design language, which I thought was absolutely funkadelic. It wasn’t the most spectacular car ever, but by god did this give the impression of a car you might like to own. Aside from that though, the Iosis still had some of those ridiculous concept car trinkets. Quadruple gull wing doors? A ridiculous orange and matt silver interior with a spaceship steering wheel, sideview cameras, and a windowline that looks like it was lifted directly from an Aston Martin? Hot damn, good job Ford. And the best part? Though the crazy concept car bits didn’t make it in the end, this is basically what the current Ford Mondeo looks like. Damn, I want one.

Lincoln MKR

What do we think of when we think of Lincolns? Those ridiculous, prehistoric, massive Town Cars probably. That’s why no one was expecting this, and that’s probably why everyone was so shocked by it. Because it’s a domestic brand though, even less of the stuff that showed up on this car made it to production vehicles than happened with the Iosis to the Mondeo (the current MKS and the next gen MKZ though show some traces).  Though the chrome is a bit naff, this thing is ridiculously handsome and just yells American businessman – the kind of thing Bruce Wayne might drive when he’s not in the Batmobile (or Andrew Carnegie, if he wasn’t dead).  I love the logic-defying tail lights, the massive logos on the front and on those side streaks, and even the Lincoln logos in the tire treads. It’s a shame then that real Lincolns are never this good.

Mazda Furai

This is the saddest case here. Unlike the Iosis or the MKR or our next entry, there is not a snowball’s chance in hell that the Furai (or probably anything from it) will exist in a way that we normal people can own. A huge shame, because honestly, I think this is straight up, the most beautiful car in existance. At first, it looks like a Batmobile, and it’ll go about as fast as one, too. See, unlike other concept cars which aren’t really meant to do anything but sit on a roating platform and look good…The Furai was built off of a Le Mans Prototype chassis. It has a rotary engine that runs off of E100, and it will very much drive around. But enough of that. Why do I think this is so good? Just look at it. I’ve always been a huge fan of Mazda’s flowing, organic Nagare concepts, and so it’s quite fitting that the Furai, the last one of them, would be the greatest. Its name supposedly means “The Sound of Wind”, but they haven’t really captured the sound, so much as the shape of it. Every aerodynamic device that you’d find on a normal racecar has been artistically raked into flowing veins of metal – the normal airbox intake has been replaced with an elegant blade behind the cockpit – the cooling cover of the engine is a sheet of steel punctured with hundreds of leaf shaped holes, and the diffuser…oh god, If I could only show you a picture of that. But I’m rambling here. Because it has such a sense of elegance and movement, but at the same time power and function about it, I love every part of this design.

Volvo S60

Wait a second here. Now I’m just going crazy, you say. A Volvo? Yes, I admit that suddenly I find I really like Volvos…Despite the fact that they may be a bit wonky due to Ford ownership, the new XC60 just looked…groovy. Straight up Scandinavian Saab style groovy. This new S60 concept? Oh jeez, well this definitely made my day. Though I can’t really provide you pictures of everything I find cool about it, I’ll say this: It’s quintessentially Scandinavian (from an ignorant foreigner point-of-view kinda way). How so? Well, according to the press release, the lights are supposed to be in the shape of two Viking longships sailing side by side. That huge glass roof, although not really Volvo’s style, is neat. The back end is a bit fussy, but not terrible. The color, well that’s not spectacular either, but it does sort of fit. The interior though, that’s a great piece of work right there. The normal Volvo style center stack with the wood has been given a bit of a twist…The center stack, from the console all the way back over the transmission tunnel and to the rear seats, is carved from a solid piece of crystal. Hello, list of features we won’t be seeing on the production S60… I find this really cool, especially how there are buttons and things embedded in the crystal so that they float over the wood underneath, and overall the crystal stack gives the impression of a giant block of ice in the middle of the car. Very snazzy. Oh, did I mention the ridiculously impractical suicide-but-not-really rear doors? I think we have ourselves a winner here.
So there you have it. 4 concepts by the major divisions of Ford. All good, no? Why can’t Ford start making road cars that are this good, then (and why haven’t they brought thouse damned Euro Fords over here yet)?

Must be those anti-hotlinkers

So, Honda has decided to quit F1. They were never my favorite team, and I never actively cheered for them. But I was a closet fan. BAR had its heyday back before I started watching, and I figure they do deserve some praise. But 07-08 have just been terrible for them, and now they’ve withdrawn. Makes me sad, especially since I love Honda.

One thing I don’t like about Honda though, is that they’re a bit daft at making motorsports decisions.

Setting up an entire F1 team just to keep Takuma Sato? (given Super Aguri was another closet favorite, but they were not exactly a bargain bin deal in the end, and did not end up as TEAM HOT LAVA) Employing a motorcycle designer to do their F1 cars? What the hell?

This one boggles me the most though…Dropping Valentino Rossi. Oh god, the man is the Michael Schumacher of MotoGP, and back when he was teamed up with Nicky Hayden (more on him in the next post…), Repsol Honda was the pimpingest team ever! And they have to go and drop Rossi (which is probably equivalent of Ferrari letting McLaren have Schumacher…), in favor of Dani Pedrosa. Not only is his neck too long, he’s the motorcycle-riding equivalent of Fernando Alonso (at least on the drama queen front, since Alonso is cool as a driver now). No wonder Nicky got fed up with their antics and left for the Reds.

Why would anyone drop Valentino Rossi? Here is a list of reasons why he rules.

-He got charged for tax fraud (which is funny)

-He looks like a spider monkey

-His ears are the size of satellite dishes

-He has an inexplicable nickname “The Doctor”

-He has a ridiculous sequence of pre-race rituals

-He might be slightly insane

-He does wheelies when he wins

-Scuderia Ferrari lets him drive their F1 cars. For fun.

-He claims his work in MotoGP is not yet done

-He once had a helmet with his face on top. Going nuts

Finally turning those cum stains into something productive? A bit outlandish, either way.